Small Government, Big Freedom

I have been spending a bit of time in the DMV lately. Both kids just got their learner’s permits. This week, my son got his. As we stood in the appointment line, my son looked around and noted how all the workers seemed angry, depressed or both. The line we were in creeped slowly to the counter. Though we had made an appointment, we still had to wait for over twenty minutes, just to be told to go to another window. I told my son, this is your government at work! That’s why communism doesn’t work. This is what happens, when the government controls things.

Standing there in that slow, slow line I remembered a time when I saw capitalism pitted against government control and how well capitalism scored. Around Christmas time, a number of years ago, I had to go to the post office. You know, it was that time of the year, when we need to mail stuff. I went in there to face long, long lines. There were only two employees taking customers. Neither one of them, couldn’t have gone any slower. It was like they’d just eaten a huge pasta meal with garlic bread and they were in serious need of a nap. They needed a caffeine kick, or just any kind of kick to get them moving. A third employee came up to the counter as if they were going to start working. But alas, it was a fake out. She looked up at the long lines waiting, then proceeded to piddle around at her space. She moved a stapler from here to there. She moved something else that apparently needed moving. She hummed and hawed. No thought, on her part, of getting in gear, and seeing some customers. I frowned at her. Not sure anyone else frowned, but I was going to let my feelings known and not throw her a smile. Not that she noticed. She proceeded to piddle around her space, doing who knows what, while the long, long lines didn’t get shorter.

After my post office visit I had to go to Federal Express that evening to pick up a package. I’m naming them because they deserve some congratulations for a job well done. When I got into the Federal Express line, I was behind maybe three people. As soon as I joined the line, an employee, looked up at me, and yelled into the intercom for another employee to come help at the counter. I watched the customer at the counter, hand the employee a receipt, and then watch the employee start sprinting to the back to retrieve the package. When I say sprinting, I mean they were hauling butt. The employee came back in a couple of minutes out of breath, handing the package to the customer. The next customer came up to the counter, the employee smiled at them, then sprinted into the back again. Meanwhile, a third employee came running up to the counter, to start taking customers. They didn’t piddle around their space, they just hollered for the next in line. These Federal Express people were all over it. I thought they must keep in good shape with all the sprinting they were doing. They were sprinting and smiling all over the place. Unlike, the DMV, where NOBODY smiles. They’ll yell at you, but NOBODY smiles. I was outta there in less than 15 minutes.

Government should be in charge of very little. They should fix our roads, and keep our country safe and that’s it. They can’t handle more than that. Look at the post office and DMV. Those employees have no incentive to work hard. They have no incentive to be friendly and do the best job they can. What’s the point? They get paid no matter what.

We don’t need no stinkin big government. Giving the government control is like handing a toddler really sharp knives and hoping the toddler won’t cut off any of their toes or slash the couch or slash anyone else around them. You know that’s just not going to happen. With the knives in the toddler’s hand someone and something is going to get hurt and badly, I might add.

The government is just like a toddler: selfish, out of control, and in need of constant supervision. We don’t expect toddlers to behave themselves. We really shouldn’t expect the government to be anything but a toddler.

And that, my friends, is why I’m not a communist, but a capitalist. If you want to really understand how well government works, just go spend some time in the DMV. That’s our government at it’s finest. Ronald Reagan once said, “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.'”