And The Answer Is…

I have figured it out. I know the secret to living the Christian life. I’ve got all the answers. I know exactly what I’m doing…NOT!

The longer I live this life, the more I have come to realize how little I know. I don’t have all the answers and I’m pretty sure I’m going to leave this planet without ever having all the answers.

As I grow older, I’ve not gotten wiser. I’ve gotten more needy. I have always been the steady person. I’m the one who doesn’t get too worked up about things. I remember, in high school, seeing kids get really worked up about things or some issue. I never had that kind of passion. We would study history, in high school, and read about people protesting this, that, or the other. I never really felt that passionate about anything.

And now that I’m older, I get nervous about things I never used to get nervous about. As I was contemplating the major changes that were happening in my life this year, I developed a twitch in my eye, that just wouldn’t go away. I would think about how we were going to pay for college for my son. Then my eye would go crazy and start twitching so badly, I would literally take my finger and hold it down, to curtail the twitching. If the twitching seemed to go away in my eye, then I would twitch someplace else. My calf would twitch or I’d feel my cheek twitching.

I was nervous about my daughter heading off to England to live there for eight weeks. I had to stop watching the news, because some story would come out of England about constant terrorist attacks there. It felt like, as soon as we were to get off the plane in England, we would have to duck and run for cover. I questioned God, as to whether this was a good plan for her.

So in all the stressors I have been dealing with this year, I felt so unhappy. There’s a line in a play where a woman comes down to her broken down castle and sees dead bodies strewn about and she says, “I’m not happy here.” That’s been my theme all year long, “I’m not happy here.” It’s not like I’m going to off myself, but I’m not happy. My eye wouldn’t stop twitching and I found no joy in anything.

I have found one answer that has kept me sane. It’s helped alleviate the twitching and helps me feel some joy. Like God always does, He brings us to the end of ourselves, so He can reveal who He is. He takes us to the ledge and when we feel like there is nowhere to go, He declares to us, “I am Here. I have always been here. I said I will never leave you or forsake you!”

“Oh, that’s right,” I say. God wants us to reach the end of ourselves, so He can move in and be the balm for our souls. He is the Living Water for our parched selves. He is the abundance, that we may live abundant lives. He is our hope, our salvation.

So that is the one answer I have. God wants me not to have all the answers. He wants me in that place, where I have no other resources. He wants me at the end of myself, so He can be my All. He can be my answer.

“Come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest,” Matt. 11:28.

He wants us all to come to the end of ourselves and let Him work through us. And that is my only answer. But I have to tell you, it’s a good one. When I reached the end of myself and threw myself into God’s arms, my twitching went away and I finally felt joy. Yay God!