I am still in the waiting time with a prayer request I have. I am still reminding myself of the facts: God loves me, God has heard my prayers, and God knows my need. I have mostly good days, but every once in awhile, my flesh gets the best of me and I began to doubt. I start questioning myself. What if, what I’m praying for is not a need? But then, in the midst of that doubtful question, I found a scripture that gave me comfort:

Psalms 84:11 “For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.“

Then I remembered an instant when God satisfied my desires. It wasn’t a need, it was just a desire.

Back in 2012, I decided I needed to start running. I wanted to combat my aging body, by getting into shape. I decided to run a tri-sprint. It’s a race where you swim a half mile, bike for 14 miles, and then run a 5K at the end. It was not an iron man race, it was just a sprint. It was doable. I began to train. I’m not a great swimmer, so they had an option to run a mile, rather than swim. They called it the dry-tri. That’s what I would do. Run, bike, run. I began training for this thing. I even talked a friend into doing it too. It was all exciting and something to look forward to.

The race would be in October, in Palm Springs. I was training faithfully, five days a week. I wasn’t fast on my running, but I was consistent. I felt like I was taking on old age, head on. My legs started getting muscly. I was sleeping well at night.

The day of the race arrived. With it, I came down with a scratchy throat. I usually drink a lot of water, but the day before the race I didn’t feel like it. My throat burned and felt scratchy. I was nervous about the race and didn’t think about the consequences of not drinking water. I also didn’t consider the consequences of running a race in Palm Springs, a very hot desert, even in October. The morning of the race came, and I woke up to a full on sore throat and congestion. I didn’t sleep well the night before, so I was feeling exhausted already.

I arrived at the race, stood at the line, waiting for them to blow the horn, so we can start. I was already dehydrated. My throat still burned. I felt heat already. The horn blew, and I began to run. My legs felt like iron poles that weighed a million pounds each. I could barely move. The heat bore down on my head like an unwelcome heater. I finished the one mile run, but barely. I wasn’t sweating, but I felt soooo unbelievable hot. I went to get my bike, but still no water. My throat hurt too bad to drink. As I took off on my bike, the sun felt like hell had opened its doors and was pouring heat upon my head. I started to get dizzy. I was hallucinating. I had to stop because I felt like I was going to pass out. I had heat stroke, but didn’t know it. I was not sweating.

After 3/4 of the bike ride I had to stop. In fact, a policeman asked me to stop and not to push myself. He could tell I wasn’t doing well. He said, one of the race organizers would be along and could take me back in his truck. I waited and the truck arrived. I climbed into the truck cab to a blast of air conditioning. He handed me an iced cold bottle of water. I drank it down. I felt relief, instantly. He gave me another bottle of water. It wasn’t cold, but I drank that down too. I barely moved, as I sat in that air conditioned truck.

He brought me back to the race and I felt better. I didn’t want to quit. I wanted to keep going. But I didn’t know if I could. I parked my bike, and moved towards the last leg of the race. I still battled in my mind whether I should keep going or quit. As I was thinking, a hummingbird, flew into my line of sight. I’ve always loved hummingbirds. He hovered in front of me, then moved a little forward. I followed him. He would hover in front of me, then move a little forward. I was so taken by this little guy, I didn’t realize I was moving well into the race. Then he flew away. Suddenly, a woman appeared next to me. She was running, but stopped and started walking along side me. She was super friendly and said she wasn’t in the race, she just decided to run for the fun of it. She kept encouraging me to keep going. She said she would walk with me the whole way. She had a bottle of water in her hand and gave it to me. This woman provided me water and companionship. I made it almost to the end, when I looked up and saw my daughter waving at me. The lady asked if that was my family. I said yes, and moved forward towards my daughter. The lady disappeared. I never saw where she went.

I finished the race. I crossed the finish line and finished the race. This wasn’t a need. It was a desire. I wanted to finish. God knew that. He gave ma a hummingbird and a stranger to lead me to the finish line. I crossed the line, grabbed the medal they handed me and felt elation. I almost didn’t do it, but I did. “…No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.”

I am still waiting on the Lord. I don’t know what my future holds. This waiting time has become bittersweet. At first, it was bitter, having to wait on God. In this fast paced world, I’ve learned not to wait for anything. Yet, God is making me wait. The sweetness has come, as I read more and more scriptures, reminding myself who God is.

I can’t measure God’s goodness. But friends have been praying for me. And God has been speaking to me. It’s a strange and wonderful place to be. To continually trust in God’s character and not trust or look at my circumstances.

My friend told me a story the other day. She has a pool in her backyard. And here in California, lizards abound. And like every backyard in Southern California, my friend has lizards. The female lizards lay eggs, then the eggs hatch, and tiny little lizards come out with no supervision. She said, they always end up in her pool. So the other day, she went out to her backyard to do something and spotted a tiny lizard floating in her pool. She went to scoop him up, and realized he was still alive. She saved the little guy. While she was scooping up that lizard, she spotted another one. She scooped him out of the pool, and he was alive too. She brought them to dry ground and let them go. She saved two lizard lives that day. Then she reminded me of the verse:

Matt. 10:29-31 “Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from you Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.”

God saved two tiny little lizard’s lives that day. How much more significant am I?

This is the sweetness of this waiting time. I remember a relative I have, who was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He was a Christian. The doctors didn’t know if the tumor was cancer or not. They wouldn’t know, until they gave him brain surgery to pull out the tumor. So during this time, everyday was a gift to him. He didn’t know if he ever had more than that day to live on this planet. So he drew near to God, in the waiting time. Then, he finally had the surgery, and there was no cancer and they were able to remove the tumor with no side effects. When I talked to him, he said he missed that time, before the surgery – the waiting time. He felt closer to God than he ever felt in his life.

And that’s where I am, in the waiting time. I don’t like to wait for anything, but this is a sweet time. God says He is near to those who wait on Him. I feel His presence. I am becoming still, like He asks us to. I am humbled by Him. He speaks to me. This is a good time. The verses that say how much He loves me are becoming real. When I remind myself of them, it takes away the fear and anxiety.

I wouldn’t have chosen it, if I had a choice. But this really is a good place to be. It’s refining me. It’s a good review of who God really is. It’s a sweet thing to be in the waiting time. I know, when things work out, how much sweeter it will all be.

So friend, don’t be afraid of the waiting time. It’s sweeter than I can ever explain to you. That’s why God asks us to wait, sometimes. Because we get to draw near to Him and experience a sweetness that’s indescribable.

I have a huge prayer request on my mind right now. I am completely dependent on the Lord to answer it. There are good days and bad days. The good days, I am at peace, knowing God will take care of me. The bad days, I panic, and like Peter walking on the water, begin to sink as I look at my surroundings, rather than looking at Jesus.

My bad days became more frequent than my good days. I began to become more and more panicky, that my world was about to collapse and what would I do then? I couldn’t live like this, with anxiety filling my days and keeping me up at nights. In the midst of all my frustration, I heard a message at church about this very thing. The pastor said we can’t look at our reality, it will only frustrate us. Instead, we need to look at God’s identity. Hmm, that sounded like a good solution. So in the midst of my anxiety fueled days I made a huge effort to tell myself what I knew to be true about God. I came up with three facts: God loves me, He’s heard my prayers, and He knows my needs. And feeling like a tight rope walker, I carefully stepped forward on the high wire and my only safety was: God loves me, He’s heard my prayers and He knows my needs.

I started to feel better about life. When I remembered these three facts, the anxiety went away. Think about that. If someone had access to the very God of the universe and knew that the very God of the universe had heard them, that’s what I would call a major morale booster.

Fact one: God loves me. How can I say that’s a fact? Because God says so in His Word. Over and over again He says He loves His children. God loves me. I can put that in the bank. God loves me. If God loves me, than He’s going to care for me.

Matthew 7:9-11  “Or, what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will He? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!”

Fact two: God has heard my prayers. Again, how do I know this is a fact? Because God says so in His Word. He tells us to pray without ceasing. The Holy Spirit speaks for us, in our prayers in groanings we can’t understand. God hears His children.

1 John 5:14 “This is the confidence we have in approaching God, that if we ask anything according to His will, he hears us.”

Fact three: God knows my needs. God tells us He knows the number of hairs on our head. He knows our prayers before we even ask Him. He knows me inside and out.

Matthew 6:8 “So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.”

So, as I told myself these three facts, rather than looking at my reality of an unanswered prayer, it became like a balm for my soul. How could I feel anxious if God loves me? How could I panic about things if God knows my every need? How can I worry if God hears all my prayers.

So friend, if you are feeling anxious like I have been, if you have an unanswered prayer hanging over your head, remind yourself of these facts. And trust me, your whole world will change. The peace you will gain will be unbelievable.

I had a rough day the other day. I mean, a really rough day. The kind of day that makes you want to go run and hide in a cave and never come out.

First of all, the car that my son would use to commute back and forth to college, broke down on the road. God protected him, though, but we had to pay for a tow truck to come take the car to a garage. We waited on pins and needles to hear the damage for the car.

Secondly, I was also anticipating a job interview that evening. I haven’t been on a job interview for a really long time.

Thirdly, I had to call the NCAA to make sure they had all the paperwork they needed for my son to swim on a college team. I had to wait on hold for almost twenty minutes. They are three hours different in time. And they’re a gigantic organization.

Fourthly, I was trying to solve something with my bank. I was trying to do it online, but my computer kept freezing.

We got a call from the garage who was looking at the car. The car needed a whole new engine. It would cost $3500. That was steep. We had to decide what to do with the car. Do we go ahead and fix it? My son needed a car to get back and forth to school. A used car would cost way more than that.

I finally got through to the NCAA. They talked with me and told me I had all the paperwork I needed.

My son came home from college to tell me he needed to go back and get a temporary parking permit, since his car was out of commission. He said the guy at the gate was salty about it all.

Nothing I did on line with my bank was working. I needed to call them directly. When I did, I was on hold for quite awhile.

I was a bundle of nerves as I anticipated the job interview later that day. My mind swirled. Do we pay that $3500? How will I do on the interview? How come I can’t get through to my bank. Why do I have to spend so much time, on the phone, on hold? I wanted to run and scream and hide.

In the midst of all my angst, my phone rang. It was my mother. She called to tell me she had some good news. I told her I could use some good news. Anything, as long as it was good.

She said my uncle had just accepted the Lord as his Savior. He’s much older than my dad and who knows how many years he has left, but now he knew the Lord. I was speechless. That was good news. I couldn’t talk, so I told my mom I would talk later. I got off the phone and sat there, stunned at what God had just done. My problems hadn’t gone away. The car still needed to be fixed for $3500. I still had to go to an interview later that day. I still had spent most of my morning on hold, waiting to solve all these problems. And in my addled state God spoke to me. Your uncle just accepted the Lord as his Savior. These are the things that matter, the Lord was telling me. And I saw it. I realized it in that moment. Then the verse in Corinthians popped into my mind:

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

Thank You Lord.

 

How do I know God exists? I know God exists because He talks to me. Not audibly, but in my head, God talks to me.

True believers received a gift, the minute they accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior. In fact, God told his disciples, before he left the planet, to wait for this gift. What is this gift? It’s the gift of the Holy Spirit. The Third Person of the Trinity. The Holy Spirit is God, who moves inside the believer and speaks to the believer. He tells the believer things. He comforts the believer. If you are a Christian, thoughts will come into your head: “go that way,” “do that,” “don’t do that”…

Last week I was really struggling. I’ve been praying about something for quite a while and I was getting panicky that God wasn’t answering my prayers. I began to doubt myself and my prayers. So one morning, I went to the gym. I sat on the bike, pedaling like crazy and going nowhere, which I felt like, were like my prayers. All of a sudden a voice inside my head said: “Do you think I’m ignoring you?” “Do you think I never heard your prayers?” “I’ve heard everything you’ve said.” “I love you.”

This voice was clearly not my own. I don’t talk to myself in the third person. Not even in my head. The voice was clearly another Person, speaking to me, encouraging me, comforting me.

Believer, you have access to the very throne of God. The very presence of God lives in you. Think about that. The God of the universe. The One who created all things. The one who the wind and the seas obey His voice, lives inside every believer.

What power! What might! What an awesome overwhelmingly thought to know that the King of Kings, and the Lord of Lords, lives within all of us who believe.

The problem with this, is that we can squelch the Holy Spirit.

1 Thessalonians 5:19 “Do not quench the Holy Spirit.”

We can live our lives in such a way, in sin, that the Holy Spirit is quenched. Don’t do that. Allow the Holy Spirit to talk to you. He is supposed to be our comforter. Don’t we all need comfort in this day and age? That’s His job. He comforts us.

He speaks to God on our behalf.

Romans 8:26 “In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;”

Imagine that. As we pray, the Holy Spirit is hearing our prayers and speaking for us in words we can’t even understand.

God never left us here as orphans. He gave a deposit for every believer, the gift of the Holy Spirit. And what a gift He is. Just spend some time thinking about that, this week. For those who believe, the very presence of God moves inside of them and begins a work. He is there to direct us and comfort us.