knowledgeofgoodandevil

Biblical truth for a modern world

Fear of Failure

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bench

I am terrified of failure. I have been trying to fight my procrastination, so I’ve been looking inward to see why I procrastinate. It’s not a good place to be, looking inward, so I don’t plan to stay here long. I just wanted to know why I procrastinate. First, I thought it was fear of success. But that didn’t make any sense. I thought about it for awhile and came to the conclusion that I’m afraid of failure. Terrified of it. If I don’t do something, then I can’t fail. Isn’t that logical?

The problem with my fear of failure is that I am a parent. You see, kids grow up and they don’t wait for you to get your act together. They just keep on getting older whether you have your act together or not. This is an awful fact if you are like me and terrified of failure. You see, before I had kids I was a perfect parent. I would look around me and see kids and their parents and know exactly what was wrong with them. My kids were never going to act that way, do that, think that, etc. I was perfect…until I had kids of my own.

So I have my first child and I realize immediately, I am not perfect. I realize immediately, that I can’t do and be everything for this kid. I would go to bed at night and hear the soft tick, tick, tick of the clock and time marching on ahead of me whether I was ready or not. My newborn quickly became a rolly 6 month old. The 6 month old quickly became a wobbly toddler. The wobbly toddler quickly became a 5 year old. The 5 year old quickly became an elementary student. Hold on! But these children don’t wait. They keep getting older and more mature. Now they are teenagers with opinions. I feel like I can’t keep up. My fear of failure looms over me. What can I do? How will I cope?

“And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness,” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Well…that’s a verse! God’s telling me NOT to be perfect! He’s telling me that my imperfections and failings are GREAT for Him? Well, okay then! I’ll just move on over and let Jesus take the wheel (I know, I know, I hate that song too but it makes a good point). Have you seen those signs around that say, “Keep Calm…I’ve got this?” Well that’s the paraphrased version of that verse. God is saying, “Keep Calm…I’ve got this.”

Think about that verse. God is not just saying He’s got this. He’s saying His power (and that’s a lot of power) is perfected in our weakness. In our weakness, He gets to show His stuff. He gets to be who He is: all powerful, all knowing, the first and the last, the Great I AM, our Savior, our Salvation. All we have to be is weak. All we have to be is imperfect, a failure… Well I can manage that. I have no problem being weak.

When God puts it that way…I don’t have to be afraid of failure. My failure perfects His power. What a load He takes off my imperfect shoulders. My act doesn’t have to be together. So my children have zoomed through to their teenage years. I never had my act together. But that’s a really good thing. God had my back the whole time. Every time I have failed. Every time I’ve been imperfect (which is most of the time), God moved in and His power was perfected. Trust me, I’ve given Him countless opportunities to perfect His power.

So if you are like me and afraid of failure, don’t be scared anymore. Your failure is God’s time to shine. Remember this verse. Read the whole chapter. It’s very encouraging. And it doesn’t just apply to parenting, it applies to everything you do in life. Give God that chance to shine. He’s telling you “Keep Calm…I’ve got this.”

My Favorite Easter Song

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I love Easter! He is risen! The tomb is empty! Our whole faith is based on that one, simple, powerful fact! The tomb is empty! I want to hang on to Easter a little longer. Here’s one of my favorite Easter songs! Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OEqavkJGCE

While We Were Yet Sinners

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lone tree

While we were yet sinners.

Jesus went with the Roman soldiers when Judas had betrayed Him.

While we were yet sinners.

They tried Jesus Christ and accused Him falsely.

While we were yet sinners.

They whipped Jesus. The leather whips ripped open His back.

While we were yet sinners.

They placed a robe over his shredded back.

While we were yet sinners.

They placed the huge wooden cross upon His back.

While we were yet sinners.

He dropped the cross. He couldn’t carry it.

While we were yet sinners.

A man in the crowd was ordered to pick up His cross.

While we were yet sinners.

They nailed His feet and hands to the cross.

While we were yet sinners.

He cried out in agony.

While we were yet sinners.

He died on the cross.

While we were yet sinners.

They pierced His side.

While we were yet sinners.

Three days later, He rose from the dead.

While we were yet sinners.

“But God demonstrates His own love for us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

I Can’t Lie Very Well

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almond

Iam the worst liar. I have many flaws, but lying is just not one of them. I just don’t do it well. I remember when I was younger. We lived across the street from my grandpa’s house. He owned and ran the school buses for the schools. He paid my sister and I money to clean the buses. Now you have to understand what that means. Imagine a school bus, where kids have come and gone for weeks, in the dead of winter. Picture this: black banana peels frozen to the floor of the bus, apple cores frozen to the floor of the bus, half eaten sandwiches frozen to the floor of the bus. Everything is frozen to the floor of the bus. We had to use the broom handle more than the actual broom. You had to take the broom handle and wack at the frozen food stuck to the floor. I guess I should be somewhat grateful, the food wasn’t warm and mushy. It was all frozen solid. But it wasn’t just a matter of sweeping everything and then your done. Nope. We had to chip the frozen stuff off the floor. That takes more time. And even if it wasn’t mushy, it was still gross. Not my most fun way to spend an afternoon. I did get paid, but I’m not sure it was worth it.

So one Saturday afternoon I was hanging out in our living room when I see my dad drive up in one of the school buses and park it in front of the house. Uh-oh. I knew what that meant-we have to clean that sucker. Eew. I really didn’t want to face all the grossness. So my sister and I ran to our bedroom and ducked behind a bed. We turned out the lights so it looked like no one was there. We were clever that way. A few minutes later, our bedroom door flings open and my dad is standing there calling for us. We slowly raise our heads up from behind the bed. My dad asks, “What are you doing in here?” Now this is when most people would lie. This is when most people would tell a little white lie like, “Oh, we’re just playing hide and seek.” But no. I don’t operate like that. My conscience swelled in my brain and I blurted out, “We’re hiding in here so we don’t have to clean the buses!” My sister turns and looks at me with this look like I am a complete moron. My dad is furious. He storms out of the house. I feel really bad. Not about telling the truth, but about my dad getting angry. My sister questions me as to why I just verbally vomited all over the place. She said I didn’t have to say anything at all. But no, that’s not me. My punishment for being so verbally honest was spending the afternoon chipping frozen banana peels and apple cores off the floor of the bus. I couldn’t escape it.

The Bible never shies away from the truth. It paints a very graphic picture of flawed man. It’s a picture with warts and all. If the Bible didn’t show us so graphically flawed, we would never see our need for salvation. Jesus Christ died for the lost. He didn’t die for the perfect. The perfect don’t need salvation. He died for the wretched men and women who see their warts and all and long to be cleansed. Isn’t that beautiful?

Living truthfully, for the Christian, is a really good thing. We shouldn’t pretend about things. God wants us transparent. He CAN see through us. He DOES know your every thought. He KNOWS everything about us. There is no hiding with God. Even if you don’t say the truth in your prayers, you haven’t hid anything from God. Like my poor attempt to hide from my dad, God really does know where we are and what we are doing.

In the long run, my unflappable honesty kept me sane…keeps me sane. I’ve tried to lie before and it starts manifesting in my body. My eye will start twitching or the person I’m lying to, I can’t look them in the eye. It’s mentally sound to keep your conscience clear. I’m reading a book by James Attucher called, “Choose Yourself.” He’s not a Christian, but he talks about tips for living better and he comes to the conclusion that being honest is best for our well being. If a non Christian comes to that conclusion, I think we as Christians really need to make sure we lie as seldom as possible. You may look at the bus situation that I faced as punishment, but it wasn’t really. I was going to clean the buses one way or another. I got paid for it and my conscience was clear.

What Is Spiritual Work?

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puppy1

My official homeschooling uniform is raggedy shorts and a shirt that doesn’t smell (hopefully). I usually don’t have make up on, unless I’m going somewhere that day. (Every time my son hears me rattling in my make up bag, he asks me where I am going). My feet are hard and peely because I don’t wear socks and shoes in the house. I’m a terrible procrastinator. I’m addicted to that adrenalin rush you get when you save stuff until the very last minute, then the adrenalin kicks in, and I get stuff done.

A big part of my day is sitting on the couch reading aloud to my two kids. This has been our homeschooling routine since we started homeschooling. We’ve read hundreds of books: historical fiction, biographies, and classics. There we sit on the couch, just the three of us, reading and listening to great books.

When the kids were younger and we didn’t have gluten and dairy issues, I would often fix grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch with cut up apples. We always have a quiet time after lunch. (We’ve been in each others faces for the whole morning-we all need a break). By 3:00pm, I’m headed to the kitchen to start getting dinner ready.

We might throw in a load of laundry or two in the mix. A toilet or two, cleaned. Garbage emptied. Dishes done. (Never done perfectly, but eventually it gets done).

At the end of the day, I sometimes wonder what I did all day? Amidst the grilled cheese sandwiches, books and laundry, how have I changed the world?

I remember a comment a friend of mine made while we were in Bible study going over the story of Jesus turning water into wine. She said she always pictured Jesus in the corner glowing. But the story of Him turning the water into wine, made Him more human. His mother demanded He help them out with the running out of wine problem. He wasn’t going to do it, but then He obliged her and turned the water into wine. It wasn’t the turning water into wine that I could relate to. It was the arguing with your mother. Jesus really was human. Like my friend said Jesus wasn’t glowing in the corner being God. He was acting like a human.

Now Jesus is God. Yet when He lived on this planet, He walked around doing very human things. He got hungry, He got thirsty, He got tired, He got angry, and He got sad. That sounds just like my family: hungry, thirsty, tired, angry and sad. Just before Jesus left the planet, He prayed to God that He had done the Father’s will. Yet He hadn’t saved every soul, He hadn’t cured every disease in the world, He hadn’t raised everyone from the dead. He was leaving the planet while there still was disease, death, and sorrow in the world.

Jesus’ humanity makes me feel better about my own. My kids and I don’t spend the whole day singing hymns or on our knees praying. We don’t spend the whole day reading the Bible. We don’t wear long, brown monkish robes with bright halos hanging over our heads. I stand near my dining room table, in my raggedy shorts, staring at the half eaten grilled cheese sandwiches and know that I have done spiritual work. I have fed the hungry. I have given drink to the thirsty. I have put to bed the tired. I love, love, love what Amy Carmicheal said when a donor approached her to give money to her but said it must go for SPIRITUAL WORK.

“In her experience in India, she said, she found that souls were “more or less firmly attached to bodies.” Bodies require houses and therefore housecleaning: food and therefore cooking; clothes and therefore washing.” p. 157 The Shaping of a Christian Family by Elisabeth Elliot

My children’s soul attached bodies require all of the above. It felt like when the kids were little, I was constantly bathing chubby little bodies. It seemed like only after an hour, their clothes had been through a food fight and needed to be washed. Putting down toddlers for a nap was a very good work and the world should thank me for such things.

What am I saying? I am saying that doing the mundane work of taking care of my kids IS spiritual. I am a Christian and I do dishes! I am a Christian and I don’t read the Bible all day! I am a Christian and I have fed my children grilled cheese sandwiches! In the midst of my raggedy shorts wearing, clothes washing, cooking (often) unhealthy meals, I have been doing spiritual work and God is pleased with me! Thank you very much!