I cried last week. My daughter looked surprised at me and told me she never sees me cry. But I guess I broke my record.

I’m still struggling with the raising of my son. I didn’t know I would struggle so. I didn’t know there was going to be a process. My daughter was so easy. She just followed and copied everything I did. This isn’t okay for my son. He’s pushing back. He’s asserting himself at times. And that’s what he did last Sunday.

We were coming home from church and he critiqued me. I was having a good day too. I was feeling happy and content and out of no where he threw a pot shot at me. I told him that wasn’t true and he wouldn’t relent. He argued back and said it was. My feelings were hurt. I turned to my husband and asked him if he was going to intervene. He did. He questioned my son. My son gave me a sarcastic sorry and that was it.

We came into the house. My sister and her family were staying with us. I burst into tears and had to run upstairs to let go of my grief. My husband chased me up the stairs (remember, I don’t cry often) to console me. I told him, that our son needed to make up to me. He said he would tell him. It took me a few minutes, but I managed to pull myself together.

My son gave me another (what I thought) flippant apology. I was still angry with him. I told him God puts a high premium on obedience to your parents. He actually says your life depends upon it. I have reminded him in the Bible that if you looked at your parents wrong, a kid got stoned to death. And not the “fun” kind of stoned either!

I spent the day angry with my son. I ignored him for most of the day and enjoyed my time with my sister. I waited for him to come and give me a sincere apology, but he didn’t.

We went to bed and my son made no move to make amends with me. When I woke up in the morning, I went downstairs. My sister and her family were down there AND my son. I looked at my son, in front of everybody, and said, “You never really apologized to me. You need to give me a proper apology.” My son looked embarrassed. He needed to be. He got up and asked me if I wanted him to get on his knees to say he was sorry. I said yes.

I stood at the bottom of the stairs while my son kneeled down in the middle of the room, in front of my sister and her family and said he was sorry. I stood there, watching my son become more of a man, than he was the day before. He had kneeled on our hardwood floor, with nothing between his knees and the hardness and said he was sorry. He got up from the floor and said he needed to give me a hug and he did. He came over to me and hugged me hard, his long arms wrapping around me. (Hugs from my son are very infrequent now).

You might think I made a big deal out of nothing. I don’t think I did. You might think I was wrong for calling out my son the way I did. I don’t think I was. This boy. This man needs to learn to be a man. Part of that is honoring your parents. If he doesn’t learn it now, when will he? To respect, first, your parents, will help you to respect others. If the Lord tarries, someday my son will have a wife. He will need to honor and respect her. He will need great humility. God puts a high premium on humility too. God is opposed to the proud.

I could have told my son that he didn’t need to do that. But I think he needed that. We as parents, have a grave responsibility in raising sons. I just saw on the news how a young girl got stabbed in her bedroom and the police think it was her boyfriend. She was only sixteen. What kind of boy, stabs his young girlfriend to death? I think the kind that didn’t have anyone telling him he needed to apologize when he was wrong. We’re raising my son to be a knight, to be a man. I think he had a little lesson on Sunday when he made me cry. I hope he did.

I laugh at this discussion about transgenders. The very idea that a person thinks they can change their sex by adding parts or subtracting parts. There is so much, much more to it than that. So much more.

I’m struggling right now with raising my son. That darling little guy that loved me so much. My little cuddle partner. The guy who used to skip down the hall with me on our way to his classroom for Bible study. The little guy who stuffed his pockets with everything. When I washed his clothes, I had to make sure I cleaned out his pockets. They usually contained 3-9 Lego pieces, 3 or more candy wrappers, two or more small sticks and at least a teaspoon of sand or more. And sticks! What is it with boys and sticks? He would always find sticks and leave them on our front door. Big sticks and little sticks. One time he and a friend had a feud over a big stick my son had found. The friend took it and left it on his door step. My son went to claim it and his mother said that wasn’t right for him to take the stick off their front porch. Okay, people, it’s just a stick. But it’s not just a stick. To a boy, it meant so much more.

If I sat at the computer, my son almost always landed on my head. He’d climb me and sit on the back of my neck. Whenever I went to get him up for a nap, he would almost always have one leg flung over the crib, on his way out. One time I found him in the middle of the dining room table just standing there, in the center, looking around. New perspective I guess.

One day he picked up a purple purse owned by my daughter with pink feathers on the top of it. He copied me and put it on the crux of his arm and started walking around the house with it. My husband saw him and asked what he was doing. I shrugged my shoulders, but my husband demanded he take it off right now, boys don’t go around with purple purses. My son was okay with that. He moved on, probably looking for more sticks.

He declared to me when he was about three that he liked, “ladies, cake and spiders.” Alrighty then. He amused me. We didn’t think alike. He wasn’t like my daughter at all. My daughter and I are both females, so she just followed me.

My son is now almost 6’3″. He doesn’t cuddle with me anymore. He doesn’t climb on my head (which is really a good thing). He hasn’t said he liked “ladies, cake and spiders” in a really long time. He’s grown distant.

I complained to my friend the other day, who has a grown son. I complained that my little cuddle partner was gone. She very wisely told me that was natural and normal. This is what they are supposed to do. There’s a time, they pull away. I don’t know what it means to be a man. I don’t know how to be a man. He needs to learn from another man (his father). She said it was a good thing for him to do this. You don’t want him growing up to be like a woman. He’s not.

She remembered a homeschooling conference she went to, that had a workshop on raising your sons to be knights. She said there was a collective sigh in the group when all these mothers in the room, heard from the speaker that they needed to get out of the way. Women can’t teach their sons how to be knights.

My friend was right when she told me this was normal. I really have no idea what it takes to be a man. She did say they come back. But for a time, they really need to pull away. I’m having to adjust to this. I keep yearning for those days when I was my son’s whole world. But I know this is good. He does need to learn to be a man and I really have no concept.

God made men and women unique. He designed us, so there are ways men act and ways women act. We are so uniquely different. Our differences go deep into our genetic makeup. Every one of our billions of cells tells us whether we are men or women. No amount of body mutilating will change that.

I will never understand the fascination with sticks. I never had or ever will have the energy my son has. My son and I will never look at the world in the same way. But that’s okay. It’s how God designed it.

After I talked to my friend, I felt a sense of relief. My son doesn’t hate me, he’s just growing up. He’s learning to be a man and I need to get out of the way.

A long time ago, in a place faraway (from my life now) I worked as an elementary school counselor. I counseled little kids. They were referred to me for countless reasons, but it usually boiled down to the kid just not behaving well. That was it. It manifested itself in different ways, but it really was about the kid just not acting the way they should. In this district, I worked at, each elementary school had a counselor and we were supervised by one of the three school psychologists who had their doctorate.

I remember a story one of our supervisors told us. He told us a story of a little boy on the playground. Every recess, this little boy would get on all fours and crawl around the playground pushing a ball with his nose. When she first noticed it, the teacher became worried. It was such a strange behavior. Why was this boy pushing a ball around the playground with his nose? Why did he have to get on all fours to do this? After observing this behavior for several recesses, the teacher decided she needed to go to the principal and ask him what to do. So for the next recess, the principal came out and joined the teacher in observing this little boy. Not to disappoint, the boy got on all fours and began pushing the ball around with his nose. The principal looked at the teacher concerned. This really was odd behavior. The principal decided they needed help with this strange child. He invited the school counselor to come out and observe this boy at recess time. The next recess time, the teacher, the principal and the school counselor all stood outside at recess to watch this strange boy. And just like all the other times in the past, the boy got on all fours and pushed a ball around with his nose. The school counselor agreed there was something wrong with this child. She would call the school psychologist. Something needed to be done with this strange child who got on all fours and pushed a ball around the playground with his nose. The school counselor called the school psychologist, who was the person telling this story. She invited him to come observe the child. He did. So out on recess, the teacher, the principal, the school counselor and now the school psychologist all stood outside at recess and observed the young boy, getting down on all fours and pushing a ball around with his nose. The school psychologist watched for a few minutes and then turned to the line of people so concerned for this little boy.

“Has anyone asked him to stop it?” No, was everyone’s response. No one had thought of that. This seemed like such a strange and unusual problem. There must be something seriously wrong with the child.

First things first, the school psychologist walked over to the little boy, bent down and asked him to stop crawling on all fours and pushing the ball with his nose.

“Okay,” said the boy and he got up on his feet and never did it again.

What’s the moral of this story? Well sometimes we can make a mountain out of a mole hill. Sometimes, the simplest thing could be the answer. Sometimes things aren’t always what they seem. As we walk this life, the Christian may face many strange children, getting on all fours, and pushing balls around with their noses. But try the simplest thing first. Ask the child to stop it. Nine times out of ten, they probably will. Nine times out of ten, the problem you are facing, may seem complicated, but it isn’t. It may seem bigger than it is, but it’s actually not a problem at all.

Think of the k.i.s.s. method in life (keep it simple stupid). Everything can be boiled down to it’s essence. Whenever you face a problem, give it to God (the school psychologist of the story). He’ll help you. And what you see as complicated and overwhelming isn’t so for God. He has a solution and will help you, always, 100% of the time. God is good. All the time.

 

 

I just celebrated a milestone recently. My twin sister will hate me for saying this out loud, but I, we, just turned a half century old. The big 50. That just sounds like a lot of years. And so, since I’ve been on this planet for fifty years I’ve discovered a few things that I know for sure. Here are fifty things I know for sure:

1. God is real.
2. God made the planet and everything in it.
3. When potatoes go bad, they really do reek.
4. I am not perfect.
5. Housework never ends.
6. Jesus Christ is God.
7. God exists in three Persons.
8. Toilets break at the most inconvienent times.
9. One can actually teach your own children just like a school.
10. The Bible is 100% true.
11. Marriage is good.
12. When you finish the dishes, you’ll have to do them again…and again…and again.
13. Socks will always get lost in the dryer.
14. I don’t like heat.
15. Jesus Christ died for my sins.
16. Jesus Christ died for your sins.
17. Jesus Christ rose from the dead.
18. Jesus Christ is alive and coming back.
19. You should never microwave a hard boiled egg.
20. Evolution is bunk.
21. So is man made global warming.
22. The sun sets and rises everyday.
23. My hair must be washed everyday.
24. Michael Angelo was a real good artist.
25. New car smell really does smell good.
26. Death is not the end.
27. I will live for eternity.
28. I will go to heaven when I die.
29. Fresh wild King salmon is absolutely delicious.
30. If your kids are scheduled to take pictures, their faces will break out the night before-it’s a scientific fact.
31. I will always forget the one thing I went to the grocery store for. (Especially if it’s toilet paper).
32. I can’t sing. (You should thank me that I know this for sure).
33. When your kid is a baby, they will always spit up on the new outfit you put them in.
34. Your child will need to go to the bathroom on a road trip, badly, in the area you don’t want to stop, or where there are no bathrooms.
35. Cauliflower reeks too, when it is old.
36. Caffeine makes it hard to sleep at night if you consume it after 3pm.
37. Gray hair can be covered.
38. I’m not the smartest mom.
39. I’m not the dumbest mom.
40. The hardest part about getting up early, is the getting up part.
41. Getting at least 8 hours of sleep is really good for you.
42. A lot can be accomplished, early in the morning.
43. God created the world in six days.
44. God never had a beginning.
45. A person can switch from night owl to early riser.
46. You start talking about what’s wrong with your body when you get older. You try not to, but you do.
47. A toilet can be fixed by a woman with no plumbing skills.
48. God loves me.
49. God loves you.
50. This world is ending soon.

What do you know for sure, that’s not on my list?

I am going to tell you a story. It’s a story about government and how we need as small of government as possible. This is an election year, so I think this applies.

Quite a number of years ago there was this little island off the coast of a tiny village called Togiak. On this island were reindeer. Lot’s and lot’s of reindeer. When I say lot’s of reindeer, I mean these guys were quite prolific and seemed to be fat and happy, causing them to mate and make lot’s more little baby reindeer. The numbers were growing quickly. But it seemed like a nice arrangement, since the people of Togiak would hop over to the island and hunt some of the reindeer. Not all of them, since there were so many. Just a few. It kept the reindeer population at a nice number and kept the people of Togiak supplied with some reindeer meat for the winter. It was working out for everybody.

But along came the government. They said this wasn’t working out at all. They declared that the reindeer were starving! They can’t have this! There were too many reindeer. No, this wasn’t a good arrangement! The reindeer needed to go!

The people complained. They said the reindeer weren’t starving. Starving reindeer don’t mate and have more baby reindeer. Their numbers shrink if they are starving, not get bigger.

No. The government said. These reindeer must leave the island. It’s not good for anybody. The people of Togiak asked what they planned to do with the reindeer. We’ve really been enjoying hunting for them, what do you plan to do with them?

Oh, we’re from the government. We’ve got some good plans to take care of the reindeer. We’re going to fly in helicopters. We’re going to drop nets on those reindeer. Then we’re going to herd them into the helicopters and fly them away. It should cost only about a little over a million dollars.

The people of Togiak thought that was a little high priced, since they were keeping the reindeer populations at a good number by hunting them and everyone seemed happy. A million dollars seemed like a lot of money just to catch reindeer. They brought up the fact, again, that starving animals don’t mate and create more animals. They die off and their numbers go down.

Nope, these animals are starving said the government. We need to get these guys off the island. And that’s what they did. The government spent more than a million dollars to fly helicopters and drop nets to capture the reindeer. After they caught all the reindeer, they gave the people of Togiak a parting gift of three pair of male/female reindeer. They put them in cages outside of the city of Togiak. Maybe like some kind of mascot. When I went to Togiak, I saw the three cages containing the pairs of reindeer. I asked about them and someone told me they had got them as gifts, from the government.

The best part of that story, is that I went back to Togiak some months later and the reindeer cages were empty. I asked someone about it and they just shrugged their shoulders and said they didn’t know, but the reindeer just disappeared one day. He said it with a twinkle in his eye. You let three pairs of reindeer out of cages to wander off in the big, vast tundra in Alaska? Yep. because when you have reindeer who become fat and happy, they mate and make more little baby reindeer.

Government is not good. Ronald Reagan is quoted as saying: “The most terrifying thing in the world is someone showing up at your door and saying, ‘Hi, I’m from the government, I’m here to help.’ ”

Israel wanted a king really bad to be like all the other people around them. God knew it was a bad idea. He even told them so. No you don’t want a king. They will control you and make your sons fight and die for the king. Israel insisted they have one, so God allowed it, with plenty of warnings. And what do you know, most of those kings were pretty bad, just like God said they would be.

The only time government will be good, is when God rules the world. I long for the day. A perfect King, a perfect kingdom. Common sense will rule the day. I can’t wait. But until then, we do live in America, which for now, has the best government around the world. It’s really not great, but it will have to do until we have our perfect King come rule.

I’m talking government because we have a president to vote for this fall. I won’t tell you who to vote for. But I want you to think little government. We have the ability to take care of ourselves without the government telling us what to do. Small government=freedom. When you look at the two people running for office, ask yourself, who wants to control you and who wants to think you can probably take care of yourself. Big government looks like lot’s of government sponsored programs. Think about the reindeer. The government wasted over a million dollars to do something they really didn’t need to do. That’s big government. Little government would have left those reindeer alone. Figure out who would have left the reindeer alone.